Dealing with Failure

I have found out my score for my most recent attempt at the CPA exam.  I knew I was going to fail, but somehow I managed to let myself believe "maybe I'm wrong?"  I wasn't wrong.  I failed quite badly too, actually.  It.Sucks.

I now must contend with the fact that I am paying roughly $300 a pop to screw up.  Not exactly appetizing.  First off, we don't have the money right now for me to even be able to pay for the test.  Secondly, if we don't have the money in the first place why can't I just accept that I need to finish this and move on?  I hope to God the Ritalin will help with my focus and attention.  I need to pass these damn tests!

Wallowing in self pity won't help the situation but I'm doing that right now.  I guess sometimes you have to let yourself get really down so you can pick yourself back up?  Eh, works for me.  I have been thinking to myself lately that I am merely surviving this life.  I don't feel like I"m living.  I am doing the least amount of anything just to make it through the day.  I'm not happy with this, yet do I do anything to change it?  Nope, nada, no.  Guess I only can blame myself.

Through all of this, I have found that I do have some really amazing friends.  People that pick me up no matter what life throws at me.  They are worth their weight in gold, but more precious to me than that.  By the grace of God, and the love of friends and family, I make it through this life.  Some things I must do for myself though.

Gosh, I need goals to work towards.  I have them in my head, but I need them written down.  I need to follow them and not let anything knock me off track.  So many things I want to change about me.  So so many things.  Baby steps?  Yes please!

I guess I need to actually figure out what I want to change and how I need to go about making those changes. Along with working 10 hours a day, spending time with my children, spending time with my husband, keeping a clean house, studying for the CPA exam, and maintaining the goals I decide such as weight loss and financial freedom.  I don't, however, have much on my plate or anything.